Update

So, my life has been like crazy hectic lately. Lot's going on. Which means, I haven't been writing as much. Which sucks, since my writing is really important to me.

Though, the good news is that what writing I have been doing is on the bigger chapter stories that I'd been neglecting. I hope to have at least 5 finished in the next two or three months.

I'm make big progress in "The Girl Who Lived: The Chamber of Secrets". I'm past the halfway point, which is good, though I then still have 5 stories left to go....

I've also made big progress on "Of Dreams and Miracles", only like 4 or 5 chapters left to go at the most. Though, I've really fallen behind on posting it, so I need to catch up with that. Oops. I'll do a big post thurs or friday.

I've done some work on "This Life", "The Betrayed", "Whatever It Takes", and a couple of one-shots I'm working on all in the last week, so that's good. I just need to find the time to write, since the inspiration is there.

Isn't that how it works? When I have lots of time, I can't think of a single thing to write; when I have no time whatsoever, I have lots of inspiration. Oh, well, I never said that life didn't have a snese of humor.

The Reasons I Write

I'm back again, I know two posts in the same day--wow. But mainly, because I wanted to post another story and I didn't think they should go in the same entry.

More Instant Star, what can I say? I totally love it. This one is also out of the current timeline, since I wrote this before Jamie and Kat got together. It's Jamie finding out about Tommy and Jude.

Okay, I'm totally obsessed with Tommy/Jude, I'll admit that now. I just love them together. They're so hot and I just think they have great chemistry and I think they'd be good together. Besides, they give me lots of room for my muse to work since they aren't together on the show and I bet it'll be a long time coming.

I'll admit that one of my favourite things about fanfiction is taking the path not taken in teh cannon. I write a lot of "what if" stories, I'm not doign that yet with Instant Star, but it's a possibiliy in the future. I also like it when a lot is left unexplained, so I can make my own explanations and take it in the path that I'd like to see.

The fanfiction writer in me was born by this tendancy to read something and go "that's nice, but...." and decide how I'd like to see it go, or what I thought they were really thinking, or even how I thought something got to be. I like to fill in the blanks and change things as I choose to change them, it's what made me start writing fanfiction so long ago.

This one here, I don't really change anything (except for Jamie not dating Kat in this one), but I still like taking things in the direction I want them in. That's the joy of fanfiction, so here it goes. Another new piece by me, aren't you lucky?

Revelation
By Misha

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters of "Instant Star" (if I did do you think she'd be fifteen?), I don't know who does, but it's not me and I'm not making any money off this, so don't sue me.

Author's Notes- This is a short, twisted piece. It's told from Jamie's PoV, but it's Jude/Tommy. I don't even know what the inspiration for this one is, it just came to me. It's creepy and weird, but I think it's works. That's all for now, enjoy!

Paring- Tommy/Jude, unrequited Jamie/Jude.

Spoilers- Nothing, really.

Summery- One moment can make everything crystal clear.

Rating- PG-13

---

It's a nightmare. It has to be.

Yet, it's not. It's real.

I'm standing here, watching Jude kiss little Tommy Q. I can't tear my eyes away from the sight.

They think they're alone, of course, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. After all, the point of having a secret relationship is to not be exposed.

I came looking for Jude to talk to her. At least, that's what I tell myself. I know I really came hoping to see what I'm seeing.

I wanted my suspicions confirmed.

I've known for a while now. Though, I kept hoping that I was wrong. But I knew I wasn't.

This is my proof.

It's horrifying, yet fascinating at the same time.

I'm fixated by the sight of them. They fit together.

It's not just a little peck, I'm witnessing. This is a full blown kiss, one heading for adult territory.

Jude's pressed up against a wall, her head thrown back. One of his hands is on her waist, pressing her into the wall, the other is pressed up against the wall for balance. One of her hands is on the back of his neck, the other is in his hair. I can see she has one foot on the ground and other leg is bent up in the air a bit, her knee between his legs.

They're so close, you couldn't put a piece of paper through them. They're lips are joined, of course, but so are the rest of their bodies. It's a very sexy sight, yet oh, so wrong.

She's sixteen. I think I'm going to throw up. What are they thinking?

Besides, the fact that the whole thing is very, very wrong, it's also stupid. They're in a stairwell at a club, don't they think they'll be caught? I mean, there are a lot of people around.

I don't think they really care at this moment, though. It certainly doesn't look like it.

They finally pull apart, but they're still touching.

She's still cradled under the weight of his body, pressed up against the wall. Their foreheads are touching and it's obvious that they're talking, though I can't hear what they're saying.

I know that I have to get out of here.

I can't let them see me. I can't deal with that scene, it would just be too much. Talk about train wreck.

I take one last glance and tear myself away.

I was only standing there for maybe a minute, but it was the longest minute of my life.

Long enough to kill all my dreams of Jude.

It doesn't change everything, I still love her. Seeing her kiss Tommy doesn't change that.

But it does drill home the fact that I'm not gonna get her. I can't compete with Tom Quincy.

More than that, I don't really want to. If that's the kind of guy that Jude wants, then I never had a chance.

The worst part is, I don't feel like I know her. The girl in the stairway isn't the Jude I know and love, she's someone else and entirely and Tommy can have her.

I'll always love Jude.

But one horrible moment of revelation showed me something very important. The Jude I love doesn't exist anymore.

The End

There, again that one's kind of twisted, I'll try to right some that aren't depressing and dark, but it's not relaly in my nature. Maybe, that's another reason I like writing, TV obviously has a barrier of how much darkness they can show and I like to press that barrier.

Dark and Twisted, yay!

So, I'm still on this huge Instant Star kick, I love the show and it totally has my muse flowing, yay! I still havne't found a place to post my stories, though I'm debating the Misc. TV section had fanfiction.net, so until then, they're still going to go here.

As usual, my writing's kind of dark and depressing. This one is now out of cannon, but it totally spoke to me. What can I say, I like dark and depressing. I'm also still totally addicted to Tommy/Jude (they're so hot!)

The writing style of this one is weird, I flash back between the present and the past, though the past only happened like an hour before. It was just the way the story wanted to be told.

Shattered
By Misha

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters of "Instant Star" (if I did do you think she'd be fifteen?), I don't know who does, but it's not me and I'm not making any money off this, so don't sue me.

Author's Notes- Another really angsty depressing one. The style of this one is weird, it wasn't intentional, it's just the way it came to me. The plain text is Jude in her room, reflecting, the italics in between ~*~ is the fight between her and Tommy. It doesn't go from flash to the other, there is some stuff missing, it's just how she's remembering it. This was based on the promos for "Kiss Me Deadly" mainly the scene between Darius and Tommy and is set about a year down the road. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Summery- In one instant, one revealed truth, you can be shattered into a million pieces.

Pairing- Tommy/Jude, some Shay/Jude.

Spoilers- Up to "You Can't Get What You Want".

Rating- PG-13


Jude sat on her bed and sobbed.

If you looked at her, you'd see hurt and anger written all over her face. A thousand broken dreams reflected in her eyes.

So many things had been killed inside her in just one moment.

She had discovered what Tommy had done. He and Darius. They had purposely broken her and Shay up.

She had discovered it innocently enough, she had walked in and overheard the last bit of a telephone conversation.

It had been enough.

~*~
Jude knocked on Tommy's door, but no one answered, so she opened it herself.

She knew Tommy was here, since had told her to meet him, so she figured he was just on the phone or something. She knew that he wouldn't object to her letting herself in, she'd done it before.

She was about to call out that she was there, when she spotted Tommy on the phone. She smiled and moved closer, figuring she'd just wait until he was done.

He obviously didn't see her, but as she moved closer, she could hear what he was saying.

"It's done, D." He was saying confidently.

Jude frowned, he was talking to Darius. Why? Or at least why now, when Tommy was away from the studio?

"I'm sure." Tommy said after a moment, replying to something D must have said. "I can assure you that Jude barely even thinks about Shay anymore. Our plan worked."

The words made her feel physically sick to her stomach.

She had to be hearing it wrong or at least coming to the wrong conclusion. But what other conclusion was there?

She listened to what else Tommy was saying.

"Yeah, we're done here. It really was for the best, though I'm sure you're right and they wouldn't understand." He paused for second. "Yeah, you too man. Later."

Then he hung up the phone and turned around to see Jude standing there. The expression on his face was enough to confirm her worst suspicions.
~*~

That had been an hour before.

The confrontation that had followed had been ugly and nasty.

The whole truth had come out. How Darius and Tommy had schemed months earlier to break her and Shay up because they thought it was for the best.

She thought of all the messages she had left Shay that she knew now that he hadn't gotten and vice versa. The e-mails she'd tried to send. None of it had gotten through and now she understood why.

She also thought about the stories she'd heard, the gossip about Shay as soon as he and Darius had left. She had been hurt, both by the rumors and by his lack of contact.

She had assumed that Tommy had been right and that it had meant nothing. Now she wondered if Shay had gone through the same thing.

It didn't really matter, though. It was too late for them. She didn't feel the way she had about him.

A year was a long time when you're young.

But she wasn't sure how she felt about anything anymore. An hour ago, she had been in love with Tommy and now she could barely stand to look at him.

He had tried to explain, but it was useless. She hadn't wanted to hear his reasons.

She had known the real reason and it made it all worse.

~*~
"Jude, I did it for you." Tommy started, after she had gotten the details out of him.

Jude stood there, not even looking at him. Finally, she turned and glared at him, ice in her eyes.

"No, Tommy, you did it for you." She told him angrily. "You were jealous of what I had with Shay, but you couldn't just tell me how you felt, no you had to ruin something that had nothing to do with you."
~*~

She and Tommy had gotten together nine months before, three months after it had ended so abruptly with Shay.

She had been sixteen by then and things had seemed to change. Suddenly, her prince seemed to be returning her feelings and it was wonderful.

Until now. Learning what he had done tarnished everything.

She couldn't believe that he had been so underhanded. If he had talked to her, maybe it would have had the same outcome.

She was so crazy about Tommy, even when she had been seeing Shay, that she was pretty sure the outcome would be the same.

But no, Tommy hadn't bothered. He hadn't given her choice. He'd just decided what he wanted and took it, even if it meant messing up her life.

~*~
"You love me, Jude." Tommy reminded her. He reached out for her, but she avoided his touch. "The outcome would have been the same, no matter what."

"Yes." Jude admitted. "Probably. That's what makes it worse. Tommy, you didn't need to lie and manipulate. But the fact that you did..."

She shook her head.

"Don't you see, it changes everything." She whispered. "The fact that you had no problem doing something like that shows me that I didn't know you at all."

She paused, blinking back tears. "Yes, I love you, Tommy." She told him. "But at this moment, I can't stand you."
~*~

She wasn't sure where they stood. She didn't know if they could ever go back.

The idea that he had purposely ruined her relationship with Shay... It still made her nauseous.

She loved Tommy, she knew that, but she wasn't certain she could forgive him. He lied to her, he manipulated her. How could she forgive him for that? He'd had no right to interfere.

The worst part was, when it had seemed like Shay had suddenly dropped her, Tommy had been so wonderful. He'd comforted, wiped up her tears.

He'd been there for her and it was one of the things that made her feelings for him grow even deeper. And all along, he'd been the one to cause her pain.

That made it so much worse.

~*~
"He wasn't right for you, Jude." Tommy told her.

Jude glared at him. "What right do you have to decide that? It was my choice!"

She shook her head angrily. "There are a lot of people who think you're wrong for me, but you were still my choice." She informed him. "Though, now I think they might be right."

"Jude..." Tommy began. "You don't mean that."

"I don't know what I mean." Jude told him angrily. "I just know that you're not who I thought you were."
~*~

She knew that part of the fault was hers.

She'd had some pretty unrealistic fantasies about Tommy. She made him into her perfect prince, eventually he was going to fall off the pedestal.

But she didn't think he'd fall this far.

She wondered how big an idiot she really was. She felt like such a fool, which was stupid since she wasn't the one to screw up.

But she just felt like she had been so blinded by Tommy. She never even had a clue.

She started to cry harder, she had been so sure that his had been her fairy tale. Well, apparently she had been wrong and fairy tales didn't happen.

She and Tommy might be able to put things back together, if it was real love, but maybe they wouldn't. Maybe this had broken them forever.

At this point she honestly didn't know. All she knew was that her illusion had been shattered and it hurt like Hell.

The End

I really like the stuff I'm coming with for this show, even if it is kind of twisted. It's digging at my muse and getting me writing in a way I haven't for a while.

It might seem strange to some people, but that dark, twisted level is always what I was good at and I hadn't been reaching it in a while. I had been writing, but it was more shallow, so even if it's kind of creepy, I'm glad I'm getting my old style back.