Emotions

My writing, like everyone's I assume, has alwyas been based on my emotions. What I feel, I pour out into whatever I'm writing. I mean, sometiems I delve deeper than I feel and create emotions that I know nothing about. How else would I be able to write about falling in love?

Except, I rarely write about /falling/ in love. I write stories about being in love, but usually about love ending. I've always focused on the more painful emotions, perhaps because you really can't write the joy of being newly in love unless you've experienced it, but I can take a wild guess at what the other side feels like and so I write about that.

I do write about unrequited feelings a lot, having experienced that. My fanfiction comes from all different places, I get inspired by the little thigns. But my orginal work comes from the people around me, it's alwyas been that way. Perhaps that's why I haven't written anything of substance yet.

I have another piece floating around my head. Tenatively I'm calling it "Amelia", that's the name of the main character, but I'm not sure if I'll stick with that. Or if it'll acutally be anything. Write now, it's just a tantalizing idea.

The characters came to me. In the beginning, they were people I knew, but I've already mishapen them beyong recognition, just taking the barest of qualities from real people. The problem is, it's meant to be a love story adn I don't know if I can write that. At least not the kind of love story that this needs to be. So perhaps, it'll be on the back burner for a while.

I'll write what I can now. But I'm not sure I can do it justice yet. Perhaps at 21 I'm not meant to write a great novel yet, I don't know if I have the life experience. But I'll just keep writing, until the stuff I want to write comes out.

This idea really is fascinating. The main character is of course, Amelia, excpet I think it'll be mainly from the perspectives of the other characters. She'll destroy lives and friendships and in the end they stil won't be able to resist her. From the glimpse I have in my head of her, she's not exactly likeable, but she's fascinating.

I don't know if it'll come to anything yet, but it keeps haunting me, so perhaps. We'll just have to wait and see.

Creatively Speaking

So I'm wound up pretty tight these days, which isn't good for my emotional health, but has always been good for me creatively speaking. I mean, during my period between high schools, my mental state wasn't pretty, but I got some great writing out of it. That's always been the case.

I've noticed that these last few weeks, all I've been doing is writing, becasue it helps. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. It keeps me from snapping and gives me a release for all the stuff going on in my head.

It's always been like that. Except after the accident, I was too wound even to write. It just wouldn't come out, but that barrier's been broken and now it's pours out of me again, which is always good.

Most of it's weird stuff, but not bad. Here's a look at one of my new pieces. It's from the show "Instant Star", I know I'm writing about a Canadien drama, but whatever. The show called to me. Even if the paiing I like is totalyl wrong and illegal adn thus probably not goign to happen. Still, I've never been able to dictate my muse, so...

This is from a piece called "Wrong":

//She has an old soul and a talented one. Her music, her being, it called to him. As he told Darius, she was nothing but mature when it came to her music and that maturity spread to the rest of her.
That was probably why he broke all his own rules.
One afternoon, as they were working on their music, it just happened, they kissed and the rest happened from there.
Part of him feels guilty, because he's helping her grow up too fast. It would happen anyway, it's inevitable in this world, but he's supposed to be protecting her, instead he's adding to her corruption.
Not that she sees it that ways. All she sees is that she wants him and that she got him. To her it's that simple.
She's starting to get that rock star arrogance, but on her it's charming. Of course, he thinks everything about her is charming. He's so far under her spell it's not funny.
Sometimes, after they're done in the studio she takes off with her friend or her sister. Other times, he offers to take her home later, making an excuse about the two of them needing to work on lyrics.
Since the beginning, that afternoon on the pier, they've done their best work outside of the studio, so no one questions it.
On those occasions, they do work on lyrics, but usually when they do, they're laying in his bed, their limbs tangled together.
They still work incredibly well together and some of their best stuff comes after they've made love. It comes from a raw place deep inside them.
He remembers when they first met, telling her that writing a song was like falling in love. It has to come from that place.
Perhaps, it was inevitable that somewhere along the line they fell in love too, partners in more than one sense. //

It kind of shows where my head is right now, huh?

New Blog

I decided to create another blog, leaving the first one for my thoughts and my personal stuff, this one for my creative thoughts. All the stuff that has to do with my writing will go here, since I need the outlet.

My creative process has been odd lately. Projects I haven't touched in months, even years, have suddenly been pushed to the forefront, while the stuff that I have been working on the last few months has pretty much been ignored. It's like I'm finally ready to finish all that unfinished stuff, which is good.

The stuff I've been writing has been weird. Not in a bad way, but different. My writing has always been dark and angsty, but now it's a little more so. A little more raw.

Like tonight, I couldn't help but write stuff for a brand-new Canadien drama that was only showing a sneak peak adn doesn't really air for months. If that's not odd enough, since normally I'm only inspired to write for shows I've been watching a while (or books I'm really into) I was inspired to write odd relationship pieces between a fifteen year-old and a twenty-two year old. Weird, gross and illegal, yet it called to me and the stuff's not half bad. A little darker, a little edgier, and with a subject matter that's a little wrong, but I like it. I may post bits and pieces, depends how it goes.

I've been working on more original stuff, which is good, since eventually I want that to be all I write. I love fan fiction, it's helped me hone my skills and all, but it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to be a writer, write my own novels, create my own charachters. Which is the hard part, I'm not really graet at character creatiion. I can take other people's charcater and twist them to fit my idea, but I can't really create my own. But I'm gonna work on that.

The orginal stuff I've been working on isn't great, but it's a start. Some of it is odd. Like this bit that came to me out of nowhere:

//She looked up at him with tear-filled blue eyes. She had never imagined then they'd end up in this place. It seemed like a bad dream. "So you're getting married." She said, choking on the words. He nodded. "In two weeks." He turned his head, looking into the distance. "She a nice girl, Molly." He said, still not looking at her. "She'll make me happy." "That's good." Molly said, trying very hard not to cry. There was so much she wanted to say, but she didn't have the right. "I shouldn't have come here." She said quietly. "You're right, he said turning back to her. "Why did you? Why did you come back?"//

It just came to me one day and demanded to be written down. But that's all that came, it's just a weird drabble in the middle of something else. Something that hasn't come to me yet, but perhaps if I just wait on it it will.