My Miracle Stories

So, as it goes I have three Miracle stories focusing on original characters, well, it's actually five--but three of the stories are a trilogy, so I'm counting those as one since they revolve around the same original character.

In all three of those stories, Of Dreams and Miracles, Whatever It Takes, and To Make A Miracle, my original character is a fictional older daughter of Herb Brooks from a fictional first marriage.

Yet, though they were all based on the same idea, the three daughters are incredibly different people. Especially my newest creation, Anita, the main character in To Make A Miracle. I'll admit that Lexi, from Whatever It Takes, and Liz, from Of Dreams and Miracles, actually share a lot of similarities, mainly because Lexi's story is what I thought Liz's was going to be, yet wasn't.

However, Anita is totally different from them both and thus her story is completely different. It's not the same story, the same problems taken a different direction, it's a new story, with new problems and new love interests.

I love all three of my characters. I don't feel I created them, more that I discovered them. After all, I only intended to write one Miracle story, not three different sets of them. That was never in the plans, but it just kinda happened.

Liz is the sweetest of the three original characters and also my favourite. She's done three years of college, yet decided to take time off and isn't sure she'll ever finish her degree, because really it's just not that important to her. A complete Daddy's girl, the conflict in her home life is between her and her mother, who just doesn't understand her. She lives at home because that's where she's happiest. She's gentle and committed, definitely a girlfriend-girl. She doesn't like conflict or violence. She holds grudges and clings to things long after she should have let them go. She tries to shut away what she's really feeling, so that she doesn't have to deal with the pain. She's the mothering type, even though she can't cook. She loves sports, especially hockey, and she's comfortable being "one of the guys".

Then there's Lexi, who's a lot like Liz, just spicier. She's done with college, with a degree in psychology. She's a Daddy's girl, but she actually gets along pretty well with her Mom. Yet, as much as she loves her parents, she has her own place, because her parents tend to smother her. She's temperamental and tends to fly off the handle. She's been in a serious relationship for several years, yet doesn't define as the relationship type, she thinks she'd be just as comfortable with a fling. She puts it all out there for you and doesn't hold anything back. She's in your-face, very confrontational. She's a sports nut, skated for years, and loves to play and watch any sport she can. She's comfortable being "one of the guys", but never for a second lets them forget that she's also a girl. She's a tomboy, yet infinitely feminine all at the same time.

Lastly, there's Anita. She's dropped out of college twice and isn't sure she'll go back. She can't hold a job for longer than a few months. Her relationship with her father is extremely strained, she just doesn't know to realize to him and never has. Relationships aren't her strong suit, she's never had one last more than a few months. Mostly because when things get hard or complicated, she tends to run away. She doesn't deal with her feelings, she runs from them. She doesn't know how to deal with things properly. She hates sports, especially hockey, because she's always associated it with her father. She's easy to get along with, but hard to get to know.

Maybe that's why I couldn't resist writing a new story, because of the three, Anita is the most intruging character. There's so conflict, so much anger in her and her story and I'm eager to explore that. That's what I like about these three stories, is that the girls are all so different, so it's not like writing the same thing over and over, at least I don't feel that it is.

Growth

I've been neglecting this blog, I know that. The problem is, I haven't been doing the fanfiction thing as much. I find, the more, my original idea builds in my head, the more I turn from fanfic.

Don't get me wrong, I love fanfiction. Everything I am as a writer, came from fanfiction. My voice, my writing style, it was all born from fanfiction. I gained experience and confidence and an idea of my own abilities and style from writing fanfic.

That said, I think the time is coming for me to move on. I'm not there entirely yet, I certianly want to finish up the projects I've started (or at least some of them). I have other ideas that are still bubbling in my mind, but I'm slowly drifting away from fanfiction.

I find I've been writing more poetry and short stories and then I've had one major idea that's dominating my thoughts and my muse. I've borrowed other peoples characters long enough, it's time to start finding my own, as scary as that is.

I've written fanfiction for eight years now and hte idea of that coming to an end... Well, it's like ending a part of myself. Misha was born from my writing fanfiction, has become a whole seprate person within myself. She's helped me grow, but I hate hte idea that I might have outgrown her.

I guess, that's one of the things that really sucks about growing up, you always have to leave things behind. I grew up as a person a while ago, and left precious, childish things behind. Now, I'm facing the fact that I'm growing as a writer and that might mean leaving other precious things behind...

Questionaire

I found this on someone's live journal and since I haven't posted anything significany here in a while (blame it on not having access to 90% of my work), I thought I'd post this.

For 5 of your fandoms,
1. The first character you first fell in love with
2. The character you never expected to love as much as you do now
3. The character everyone else loves that you don't
4. The character you love that everyone else hates
5. The character you used to love but don't any longer
6. The character 'ship everyone else loves that you don't
7. The character 'ship you love that everyone else hates

So those are the questions, here are my answers.

Veronica Mars
1. Lilly
2. Dick--he's growing on me
3. Logan
4. Duncan, I don't know about everyone, but it seems like a large percentage doesn't like poor Duncan.
5. Meg, I guess, is really the only one.
6. Logan/Veronica, I feel absoloutly no LoVe for them.
7. Duncan/Veronica, I adore them, even if not a lot of other people do.

Harry Potter
1. Harry
2. Neville. I adore him now.
3. Ginny, 90% of the time she bugs me.
4. Draco, well lot's of people do like him, but he is supposed to be an unlikeable character.
5. Hermione's lost a little of her appeal, I guess.
6. Ron/Hermione, I'll just never get it.
7. Ginny/Neville.

General Hospital
1. Robin Scorpio, a very long time ago.
2. Nikolas has really grown on me.
3. Carly, I've never seen the appeal.
4. Well, I really like Reese, but she is being fired, so..
5. Sonny, he annoys me more than he used to.
6. Sonny/Carly.
7. Lucky/Emily, don't get me wrong I love Nem and Lucky/Liz, but there's just something about Lucky and Emily...

Gilmore Girls
1. Lorelai
2. Paris, I've learned to love her.
3. Jess.
4. Christopher, I love him.
5. Logan, I used to like him and now I loathe him.
6. Rory/Jess.
7. Cristopher/Lorelai. I mean, I love L/L too, but htere's something about first love...

Instant Star
1. Jude, of course.
2. Jamie, he grew on me.
3. I'm not sure there is one.
4. I kinda like Sadie, just not with Tommy.
5. Again, non ereally.
6. I guess Jamie/Jude, but I'm not sure how popular it is.
7. None. My only 'ship is Tommy/Jude.

That was actually harder than I thought...

Update

I probably should have posted this months ago, but I was lazy. Also, I didn't know how long the problem would be, so I kept delaying it, hoping things woudl be solved. BUt they weren't.

So, here's the situation: My computer is dead. It just stopped working one day. I write all my work on my computer and I rarely back up, so it's all on that computer. Thus, I have no access to it.

I am getting the files taken off that computer and eventually should have access again. Sooner or later. But at the moment, I have no access. So, thus I can't update my stories.

I have been getting some questions as to when I was going to update my works-in-progress or write some new stuff. The answer is, I don't know. Well, I do have some new stuff that I've been working on and that I will post somewhere soon.

But, as for my on-going stuff, it's all on my other computer and I don't know when it'll be fixed. Soon, I hope. But until then, there will be no major updates on any of my stories. Sorry.

Well, there it is, an update on my situation, since I'm sure there is at least one person reading this blog who wondered why I hadn't updated in forever.

Half-Blood Prince: How It Affects My Harry Potter Fanfiction

All right, this post discusses the new Harry Potter novel and it how it affects by on-going Harry Potter fanfiction. If you haven't read Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince yet, stay far away from this post.

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All right, if you're still reading, I assume you're all right with being Spoiled. I'm going to post in my Other Blog soon, discussing how I felt about the book itself, this post is how Half-Blood Prince affects my Harry Potter fanfiction.

First, of all, no matter what direction the book goes, I'm never going to write Harry/Ginny or Ron/Hermione, at least not without it being angst. I'm a Harry/Hermione shipper and that's not going to change.

Secondly, even though in now states for sure that Blaise Zabini is male, he's staying a girl in my stories. I'm not going back and changing the stories where Blaise appears or is mentioned and totally changing the plot in some cases. It's not happening. So, in the world of my stories, Blaise is a girl.

Third, I'm still in shock over Snape's betrayal. I love Snape and in my world, he's not evil. I just can't even wrap my head around it yet. I just can't. So for now, I'm going to ignore it. Just like I'm going to ignore Dumbledore's Death.

Now let's see how it affects my current stories and series:

The Girl Who Lived: Obviously the behaviour of Snape and Draco differs from the characters as I've written them in this story. That's okay, this story was already pretty AU and I'd decided that as of the end of Goblet of Fire it was going to vear wildly away from the cannon, so while a few things from HBP will make their way into this series, my version of Book 6 (Book 5 as well) will be entirely different.

The Betrayed: I rewrote this story after OotP to incoporate details of taht story, I'm not rewriting it again. So, this is now firmly an AU. Everything after OotP did not happen in this stories universe.

This Life: This was an AU from start to finish and several of the characters were already changed. So again, ignore the events of HBP. Some details from HBP may be added, but the story certainly won't follow the plot.

Unbreakable Bonds: This story was set in sixth year, so think of it as an alternate sixth year. The events of HBP will only have minimal impact on this particular story. I might incorporate some of the evnets in, but certainly not all of them.

The Darkest of Times: Perhaps the only one I could tamper with and fit into the current stream of things. I haven't decided if I will or not. Stay posted for information on that.

Memories of the Heart.cwk: This one's been an AU since OotP was released. I couldn't fit details reveald in OotP into this and I'm not even going to bother with HBP. Especially, since I'm working on a prequel which will be an alternate fifth and sixth year.

Return to Childhood: Again this story is actaully supposed to be set in Sixth Year, so think of it as an alternate Sixth Year. There's no way I can make this story fit the new cannon, nor do I wish to.

Friends and Memories: Like Memories of the Heart this one's been an AU since OotP was released. It's even more so now. After all the book version of Seamus' mother and my fictional version seem very different and the same is obviously true of my version of Snape. So, this is an AU series.

There you have it, with one possible exception, my stories are not going to be impacted too much by the events of Half-blood Prince, I might borrow a thing or two from the book, but for the most part I'm just going to pretend I never read it.

That's not to say I'm not going to write some post-HBP stories, I probably will. But, for my current pieces, including ones I haven't posted yet, I'm just going to go on as I was, never-minding that the stories no longer fit in cannon.

It's All About the Right Pairing...

I'm acutally get pretty used to posting my Instant Star stories here and since it seems that people have been reading them, I'll continue to do so.

The first season is actually over now and that leaves us months without any new episdoes. Sigh. Though, lots of time for writing and stories ideas. I'm still irritated about the season finale. Tommy and Sadie, yuck. Well, not in my world. In my world Tommy and Jude rule all.

Which is one reason I write fanfiction. Almost every fandom I've ever written for, there's been one huge standout couple that dominated my stories. I started long ago writing stories about Buffy and Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and have since then have gone onto writes stories for at least 10 other fandoms and with each, there was one dominate couple.

Sometimes more than one, back in my Days of Our Lives phase, when that was all I was writing, I focused on several different couples amongst the teen characters. And actually, I did the same thing with Buffy as well, but to a less extent.

Still, mainly I tend to focus on one couple from a specific fandom, even if I do write about others. Buffy and Angel, Cole and Phoebe from Charmed, and Josh and Donna from The West Wing, to name a few. For some reason, relationships have always dominated my work, though rarely happily...

I also have a tendancy to like couples who will never get together (i.e my whole Smallville Clark and Lex slash phase, my thing for Harry Potte slash about Harry and Draco, or my weird fixation on Shawn and Chloe from Days), couples who might get together, but might not (such as Josh and Donna and Sam and Ainsley from TWW [before both Sam and Ainsley left] or Harry and Hermione from HP) or couples who were together but who then broke up probably for good (like Buffy and Angel, Cole and Phoebe, or Sonny and Brenda from General Hospital, though I did start writing about them when they were still together for the most part).

For some reason, I rarely write about couples who are together and happy, maybe because that's boring. I don't know, maybe it's because I like a challenge. Still, it might explain why I'm so attached to Tommy and Jude, there's obviously an attraction and a connection, but they aren't together yet and they have obstacles in their way. Just what I love to write about.

So, Tommy and Jude is my new obsessive pairing. I totally get inspired to write about them, though rarely happy pieces. Mainly just because I'm an angst fiend. So, here's another angsty Jude/Tommy piece for whoever's bothering to read this.

Twenty-One
By Misha

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters of "Instant Star" (if I did do you think she'd be so young?), I don't know who does, but it's not me and I'm not making any money off this, so don't sue me.

Author's Notes- This is just a depressing Jude piece written after "Unsweet Sixteen", but set five years in the future. It's Jude's twenty-first birthday, but it's not a happy day. I don't know why this one is so depressing, but I couldn't help it. I was in an angsty mood, I guess. I hope this one isn't too bad, though it is kind of on the dark side. Oops. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairing- Tommy/Jude

Summery- Once all she had wanted was to be twenty-one, now she just wishes she could be sixteen again.

Spoilers- Up to "Unsweet Sixteen".

Rating- PG-13


Twenty-one.

There were times when Jude never thought she'd make it to be that old. When it seemed so far away.

There had also been times in her life, when it had been all she wanted was to be that age. On her sixteenth birthday, that horrible night so long ago, it was all she had wished for.

To be old enough. Because if she had been twenty-one, then what she and Tommy felt would have been okay.

Now, she was twenty-one, but it was different.

There was no Tommy waiting in the wings. Because she'd been too young when they met and they crossed that line and it went badly.

Maybe, things would have turned out the same way regardless, but she didn't believe that. She believed it was some sort of punishment. They couldn't be good and wait, so it went so horribly wrong.

They tried to resist, for a good year after that night, after that party. They worked together and they tried their hardest not to let it be anything. But, things can only be denied so long and they came together.

To be fair, Tommy had tried harder to resist, but once Jude had realized that she couldn't fight her feelings for him, she had pursued him with all her might. Eventually, his resistance had cracked.

Jude thought about it often.

She felt ancient at twenty-one, so much older than she had been at seventeen.

Yet, if she closed her eyes, she could be there again. She could feel his mouth and skin and his body pressing against hers. She could be seventeen and in love with someone she shouldn't be.

She still loved him. Four years since that first night, three years since it all went so terribly wrong, and she still loved him.

That was the worst part of it all, maybe, that he had been the one. Her true love, her soulmate, brought into her life too early and ripped away.

She honestly believed that if she had been older, then things would have ended differently.

She knew she'd never forget the night it fell apart.

She'd always remember that fight with her parents. She had finally told them about Tommy, she'd had to tell them because she was pregnant.

She knew she'd never forget the awful things they said to each other and how upset she was when she got behind the wheel.

She remembers how Tommy got in the car with her, trying to convince her to let him drive. She remembers ignoring him and taking off, going as fast as she could.

She doesn't remember losing control of the car and hitting the tree. But she does remember waking up in the E.R.

She remembers the doctor gently breaking the news that she lost the baby. She remembers how devastated she was and that all she wanted was Tommy. She remembers asking to see him and having Georgia tell her softly that he was gone.

She'll never forget the moment.

The realization that Tommy was dead because of her. If she hadn't been so upset and driving so fast, he would still be alive today. She knows that. So would their baby.

Her life would have been so different, if only she hadn't been so reckless. She thought about that often, about the life she would have had if that night had been different.

She thought about that almost as often as she relived that night over and over again in her nightmares. She'd give anything to go back and be able to do it over.

But that wasn't going to happen. She wasn't going to get the miracle that would let her change the mistakes of the past.

She had been too young and too stupid and she'd paid the price. If only she had waited, then maybe it would have been different.

Maybe she would have been celebrating her birthday with Tommy. But that wasn't going to happen. She was finally old enough for him, but it was too late.

No, her twenty-first birthday was nothing like she had once thought it would be.

It was her fault. She'd been young and stupid and she'd gone after what she wanted, instead of waiting like she should have and because of that, it all feel apart.

If only she had known then what now. If only she had waited, then maybe this day would be different.

Maybe it would be what she had dreamed of long ago and maybe Tommy would be here celebrating with her.

But that was never going to happen.

She was twenty-one, but it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. If only she could go back and correct the mistakes of her youth.

It was funny, when she was sixteen all she wanted was to be twenty-one, but now that she was twenty-one she just wanted to be sixteen. Because if she was, then she could correct the mistakes of her past.

But that wasn't going to happen.

Still, it was funny how life worked, wasn't it? You always wanted what you didn't have.

The End

Yeah, that was angsty. Maybe, I'll actually go writing a cute, fluffy, happy piece. But knowing me, probably not.

Oh and if anyone's curious, though links are for old stories of mine about the couples I had been talking about. I figured this is my blog, I might as well advertise my own work, a lot of which can be found here if you're curious.

Broken Illusions

So this is an orginal fanfiction piece I wrote. It took me a couple months to complete, which is weird since it's only a few pages. Still, that sometimes.

I started this after a conversation with my friend Tonya several months ago. She made me wonder if reality could ever live up to fantasy and this is what I came up with.

With most of my original stuff, I start with my own life and then diverge. I mess with situations and emotions and let my imagination take over. It starts with fantasy and becomes something else entirely.

I'm not sure if I like this one or not, but I think it certainly captures what I was going with when I started it. It captures the emotion that I wanted to display. I wanted to answer that question of what happens when you acheive something you've spent years trying to attain?


Created October 23rd, 2004

Broken Illusions
By Michelle


It wasn't supposed to be like this. She had waited her entire life for this and now that it came, it just felt so... Wrong.

Rachel lay in the darkness, just staring at the ceiling. She felt so cheap and dirty. Not the way she had expected to feel.

She glanced over at the man sleeping next to her. He seemed unaffected by the consequences of what had happened, but then why should he? It was nothing out of the ordinary for him. She was just another woman he had taken to his bed.

Actually, she knew that wasn't quite true. He wouldn't write her off that callously. After all, she wasn't just any woman he had taken to his bed.

She was his lifelong friend, the daughter of his parents oldest and dearest friends. Their lives had always been intertwined. They had been so many things to each other.

He had been part brother, cousin, friend, foe, crush. He had never fit into one role in her life and maybe that was why she had wasted so much of her time and energy over the year thinking about him.

This day had been several years in the making. Since they were sixteen year old kids.

She had thrown herself at him back then and he had rejected her. The next few years were spent with an awkward tension that they never spoke of. They tried to pretend that everything was wonderful between them.

But they couldn't pretend any longer. They were twenty-four now. No longer children. But then she was perfectly aware of that, as this was no childish mistake she had made.

No it was the mistake that only a woman could make.

She should have known it wasn't a good idea. Maybe rationally she did, but some part of her wouldn't listen. Some part of her still clung to the childish dream of happily ever after. But she didn't think that was in the cards.

Nick wasn't the settling down type, at least not at this point in his life. She supposed that's why he had spent so long trying to prevent this moment.

She had wanted him since she was sixteen and she had recently learnt that he had always wanted her as well, but for eight years he ahd insisted on pushing her away. Because he knew that taking her to his bed was not a good idea.

Everyone had tried to tell her that. Her mother, her sister, his sister, her friends. They had all tried to warn her that some things were better left alone, but she couldn't do it. Not once she discovered that he wanted her like she had always wanted him.

So, for the second time in their lives, she threw herself at him. Except this time, she wasn't an inexperienced child. She was a woman who knew what she wanted and how to go after it. In the end, she had succeeded.

His resolve had cracked and now she lay naked in his bed. And she wished with all her might that she was anywhere else.

"Do you really think you can handle being one of the women he sleeps with and then discards?"

Her mother's words, spoken several months earlier, rang in her head now. Not that he had discarded her yet, but she had no doubt that he would.

Maybe not right away, maybe their fling would last a few weeks or even a few months, but it would end, because with Nick, the flings always ended. No woman could hold him down for long.

Not even the girl who had adored him all their lives.

She closed her eyes, trying to fight back tears.

God, this was so wrong. She hated herself, hated him, hated everything about this stupid situation.

She thought she might throw up. This wasn't how it was supposed to be at all. It was supposed to be beautiful, magical, the first night of the rest of their lives.

Instead, it just felt wrong.

Not that the sex hadn't been fantastic. At least that hadn't been a let down. No, Nick was pretty terrific in bed. Very skilled, very considerate.

But that's all it was.

Sex.

She had always assumed that went she went to bed with Nick, they'd make love. That there'd be deep emotion as well as physical pleasure and there wasn't.

She had spent eight years building it up in her head and the reality was a terrible let down. It wasn't his fault, of course. It was her own.

Nick had always been up front with her. Well, except about his feelings, btu that was natural. Still, he had never pretended that this was anything but what it was.

She was the one who had built up in her own mind, expecting it to be a life-changing experience when all it was some great sex with a guy she liked, but didn't want to spend the rest of her life with.

As she lay in the darkness, Rachel was forced to admit that she wasn't in love with Nick.

She loved him, of course. He had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember, of course she loved him. But not as a woman loved a man.

She loved him like a sister loved a brother. Like you loved a dear, old friend. She loved him like a young girl loves the boy next door.

She had always assumed that he was the one and had never stopped to really examine her feelings. Maybe she hadn't wanted to, because loving Nick was easy, she had been doing it all her life, after all.

Admitting that she no longer loved him was much harder. Nick had been her shield from every other man. After all, it was okay that she never got seriously involved with any of them, because her heart belonged to Nick.

Except it didn't. Maybe it never had.

Rachel contemplated getting out of the bed and getting dressed and sneaking out of there. Except, she knew that she couldn't do that. This might not be the grand love affair she had wanted it to be, but it deserved more respect than a quickly regretted one-night stand.

Not that she hadn't had a few of those, but not Nick.

No, even now, he was more than that. Even if he wasn't Prince Charming on a white steed who'd sweep her off her feet to go live happily ever after. But that wasn't his fault. He never pretended to be anything he wasn't.

If it was anybody's fault it was her own. She was the one that had made a flesh and blood male into a fantasy creation. It's no surprise that in the end she was disappointed.

But maybe it was for the best.

Maybe this what she need to start facing reality, to go find what she was really looking for. Nick wasn't it, he'd never been it.

Rachel smiled slightly, if a tad bitterly.

This night hadn't been what she had wanted it to be, but at least it had made her grow up.

Perhaps, that was why it hurt so much.

Nobody ever likes to have their fairy tale shattered and she was no exception.

But, there was no going back. One night had destroyed the illusion she had lived with for eight years and she'd never get it back.

The End

It's mainly fiction. But those that know me, know where I got the idea. Of course the difference is, that I'll never find out how the reality matches up.

First of all, it's not in the cards. But even if it was, it's not worth it. Things work the way they are and there are some places you should never. Besides for me, that was never an option, anyway.

Still, that's why I wrote this story. Who knows if that's the way it would really be in real life? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm not likely to find out, nor do I really want to.

I think I'd rather have the fantasy than face the harsh reality.